Eighteen Miles of Self Doubt

12 Dec

Yesterday’s scheduled training run called for 18 miles. Wow, how in the world have I gotten this far in marathon training? I remember when 5 miles was tough.

After finishing 16 miles last week, I knew I could do 18 miles this week.

I knew my normal training course would be used by the Seashore Marathon, so I decided I needed some of my “old familiar”, my old neighborhood. So the first few miles would be in my old neighborhood, and I’d venture out to town. I used this course when I was training for the Disney Princess Half.

Miles 1-3 were relatively easy.


canal bridge

However, in the fourth mile, I had some crazy stomach pains. I figured out it was the orange juice I had with breakfast. I never had juice before running before. I don’t know why I had it today. Luckily, some new construction by the bay brought the nastiest port-a-potty I’ve ever seen. But it was needed.

So after that, I completed miles 6 and 7 but with so much self doubt. I kept thinking “why do I keep doing this to myself”, “you can stop and go back to the car”, “just quit”. My stomach was still hurting, and I was in such a bad mental state. So because the course I chose left an option to take a short-cut back to the car, I turned off the Garmin and headed back to the car at mile 7.15. But it only took me 5 steps to realize the mistake I was making. I know it’s petty, but I wanted so bad to come home and post on my Facebook that I completed 18 miles, not 7. It’s little, but it’s sometimes my driving motivation. I wanted Jeff to tell me he was proud of me. I wanted my mom to tell me I’m awesome.

So I turned the Garmin back on and struggled through the next few miles to the turnaround point at mile 9. But before I got there, I called Jeff for inspiration. I asked him “why do I do this to myself?” and he responded “because you want to.” Sometimes I forget that this is something I want to do. It’s so much more than running a marathon. It’s proving to myself that I’m not the fat girl. I’m proving to myself that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. And my 6-year long dream of running the WDW Marathon will become a reality… finally.

At the turnaround point was an unmanned water station from the marathon earlier that day, so I just happened to treat myself to some of their leftover Gatorade. I know that’s not right, but I had already drank most of my own Gatorade, and I still had 9 more miles to go. Along with the Gatorade, I took a long walk break. Both gave me the boost I needed to get my head back in the game. I started back with some strong 2/1 intervals, and miles 11-17 felt like they flew by.

The last mile was quite tough, so I ended the run with 1/1 intervals.

The splits

The first 7.14




So it ended up being 17.99. Total time was 4:10:30, and a pace of 13:54 (2 seconds better than last week).

I’m so glad I pulled this off and finished what I started. And Jeff did tell me how proud he is of me, and my mom wrote “awesome!” on my Facebook 🙂 It’s the little things, right?


I should also add… I’ve lost 6.2 pounds in the last 2 weeks!!! Since I didn’t want this blog to be about weight loss anymore, I really hadn’t talked about my weight goal for the marathon, but I wanted to lose 15 pounds before the marathon. So I have 8.8 pounds left.

I’m spending most of the day today sitting on the couch relaxing, with some laundry and cleaning mixed in… and maybe I’ll do my Christmas cards.

What are you doing today?


13 Responses to “Eighteen Miles of Self Doubt”

  1. Angie December 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    As always, I’m super impressed! I’ve never gone farther than 3.1, so the thought of 18 just is mindboggling. I know you guys are having freezing temperatures there which makes the run even worse and your distance even more impressive. Congrats on your longest distance! I enjoy reading your Sunday updates. Now prop your feet up and have a beer.

  2. ashleigh December 12, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    You did an awesome job! 18 miles is such a huge accomplishment. I can’t believe you stopped, almost quit and kept going, that’s truly an inspiration for other runners out there!

  3. Heather December 12, 2010 at 7:14 pm #

    Great job on your run – your time is amazing!

    Unfortunately I haven’t done much today except work on my finals for school…sad.

  4. Emily December 12, 2010 at 8:51 pm #

    Wow, amazing! I totally know what you mean about turning around, but then you wouldn’t be able to post it on facebook! 🙂 It is the little things. And great job on the weight loss.

  5. Sarah December 13, 2010 at 11:01 am #

    I am so proud of you!
    You are so awesome 🙂
    I am so glad you pulled through and did it!
    Great job on your weight loss too…that is amazing Andrea 🙂
    I can’t wait to hear how well you do in the WDW Marathon!!!

    PS I need your address for a xmas card…can you email it to me please? Thanks!

  6. FruitFly December 13, 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    I’m happy to know I’m not the only that uses facebook as a motivator to keep going and getting those extra miles in! I’ll take any little bit of inspiration I can get some times!

    You are doing so fantastic! How exciting that THE day is almost here!

  7. fleurdelis30s December 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    I second what Angie said….18 miles is mindboggling! Congratulations!

  8. Brittney December 14, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    Ah, I can completely relate to this post. I’m doing my first marathon the week after yours (Charleston, SC), and have done several long runs where it’s definitely a mind and body thing to get it done but knowing the pride I will feel when I finish does definitely drive me too. Way to go on 18! Good luck with the rest of your training!!

  9. Christina December 14, 2010 at 4:09 pm #

    i’m so proud of you for coming so far! Sad i didn’t hold up my end of the bargain but I will be with you (in spirit, unless I can talk Guy into going down! ) as you run through Cinderella’s Castle yet again!

  10. Jenn (DisneyGirlinNJ) December 15, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    Congrats on the 18! No matter how many times that distance is achieved, it’s still mindboggling. I’ve had one too many runs where I’ve just wanted to stop and turn around as well. NOT fun when the brain plays all the mental games, right? But we’re both ready for this Disney full, promise! My friend always told me that if I start getting in a mental funk to just picture myself crossing that finish line. It’s helped a few times and allowed me to push through!


  1. 2010 in Review « Run, Eat, Date, Sleep - March 1, 2011

    […] Finished training for the WDW Marathon. I ended training with an 18-miler. Because of a snow storm, I couldn’t get out for a 20-miler. […]

  2. Five for Friday: Things I’ve Learned From Running « Run, Eat, Date, Sleep - March 18, 2011

    […] Do not fuel with dairy or juice (I learned this the hard way!) […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: